Where Are My Friends Now?

I am down to my last 500$ in my bank account. I just walked for graduation after three years of Grad school obtaining my Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology--right what a huge accomplishment? and I have 500$ left doesn't that sound sad? Not even enough to submit my associates license to the BBS. My parents have helped me as much as they can during this buffer period. They also threw me an amazing Graduation party. I am very thankful for my parents.

I can't help but ask, Where are my friends now? Who are my friends now? It seems like getting my Masters Degree really isn't that big of a deal even though I know it is. One of my closest friends couldn't make it to my graduation.... that was heartbreaking. My graduation was a lot to balance- two sides of families being in the same backyard that haven't been in the same room together for over 20 years. The friend that I am thankful came I don’t know if they understood the weight of this balancing act which leaves me attempting to cater to everyone when this is supposed to be about me right?

I don't want to sound ungrateful or spoiled, but since graduating no one has really asked how I am doing, how job searches are going, most of my friends in my cohort already have a job secured if not already working those jobs. They have the finanically security. It is even more difficult because some of my friends were hired to the practicum job I worked at to graduate and I wasn’t.

Now I am going in blind having to figure it out all on my own....Again.

It has been recommended to go back to the restaurant and there is nothing more that made me want to die than working in a restaurant. I’ve done customer service for over 13 years. I also just obtained my Masters of course I want to use it.

Right now all these feelings connect to strings of pain that are all being strummed. Grieving no longer being in school, seeing colleagues and friends. Old relationships that were there at the beginning of my grad school experience but not at the end. A life that was once planned- marriage, understanding, happiness, financial help, and security. Loss of friendships because of old relationships. Endured trauma. Boundaries and ending friendships. Bad decisions and settling. Taken advantage of out of desperation for love, friendship, and understanding. Lost.

The sad truth is that people love having me as a friend or even a lover but they don't actually want to be my friend or love me. So I am down to my last 500$ with a Masters Degree where or who are my friends in times like these?

The friends who have shown up and checked in I am extremely grateful.

I’m not someone to shy away from honesty and share my experience. It may be embarassing or even sad but it’s the truth. Asking for prayer In this difficult chapter of celebration, loss, and defeat.