Knights in Spiked Armor

Yes, you read it correctly. The story Disney has portrayed to all little girls is the knight in shinning armor love story, don't get me wrong Disney has been doing a better job at being more realistic, I digress. This was the narrative for the generation I grew up in.

Although, I never really believed I would get my knight in shinning armor bullshit love story and instead went to the other extreme; I don't need a knight in shinning armor to come to my rescue, or save me. I took that armor and equipped myself, for protection. Independent, self-sufficient, can do it myself, don't need anybody mentality.

Little did I realize I had suited up and became the knight in shinning armor.

You often do the love language you want most for yourself.

As I continue in my evolving career as a therapist and what I have learned from Al-Anon you cannot change, you did not cause, you cannot control, (the three C's) in summary I cannot save anyone. Something I have been able to comprehend logically but with reluctance to fully admit haven't entirely emotionally.

I know better.

I cannot save anyone.

Yet much of my years before becoming a therapist I have always been a caregiver at heart. I have been trying to save men I have dated, friends, family members, just about anyone, you name them. It is forever an ongoing challenge to understand emotionally.

Despite being repulsed by this Disney love story the truth is I always wanted the damn knight in shinning armor bullshit love story.

When is it my turn? Who will come to save me? Who will come to my rescue?

And the harder truth is

No one is coming to save me.

No one is coming to rescue me.

The only person who can is me.

I cannot save anyone, I cannot rescue anyone.

I want is consistency, reliability, emotional intimacy, commitment, someone who shows up. It might not be a knight in shinning armor coming to my rescue but it isn't a knight in spiked armor.